September 7th, 2015

lulu shoulder crop

Place of my own

Someone tried to impress upon me yesterday the absolute uncoolness that was still having an LJ - but really, the only difference between the two of us was the audience. I don't need one and they thrive on it. Maybe I'm showing my age.

I've had exactly two days off in a row which... has been really great, actually. With my impossibly hectic schedule, these come few and far between. But whenever they happen, if I don't occupy myself being lazy (read: napping), I really start thinking about my own life and I start sliding back into that awful pit of self-doubt - that all of this is a waste and I'm just constantly losing sight of what's really important because I don't know what those are anymore.

I hate how busy I am, but if this is the alternative, then I prefer the busy. Productivity at least tires me out and gives me some sense of personal satisfaction - which isn't exactly the most optimistic view when I'm on the cusp of so many new things (school again, laser eye surgery), but the only thing that's keeping me going.

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