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24 January 2004 @ 08:25 pm
Steph's Moment of a Sheer Lack of Optimism  
In retaliation to Ally's ever-so-upbeat post because I am currently so very pissed off at the world in general, here's my doom-and-gloom about exactly what's been keeping me in my current state of depression. I've actually made a record... I have never managed to stay this depressed for more than a day of sulking. I've gone three straight. The world sucks.

Let's see, where to begin?

Here's a perfect place. Classic story really. I believe it happened to Alex and Ally in fact.

1. Best friend introduces Steph to boy. Steph likes boy. Steph likes boy very, very much.

It's kind of sad really, when you reach that stage of obsession when you can't stop thinking about where he is, what he's doing. He called me Thursday. Right after my English exam in fact. Was so deliriously happy because he promised to pick me up later that night to go to party. Didn't. Haunted the doorway for entire night even when I'd finished convincing myself that he wouldn't show. Found out party was cancelled. Was crushed.

Anyway, to continue on with the story, Steph finds out that best friend likes boy. Steph also finds out that boy thinks of Steph as another good girl friend. Boy likes Steph's best friend.

2. Steph has been called fat eight times already in the past hour by close family members. Steph wishes to tell them to fuck off, but obviously, this is v. bad plan. Would never see the light of day again if told both mother and father this. (And my sister... and my cousin...) Self-esteem go whoomph. Yes, complete with sound effects.

3. Studying for bio. Has been denied new Internet from computer until exams over. Has had TV taken away and placed in the deepest depths of our house, complete with dead insects and assorted filth. One chair has some sort of fungus growing on the bottom.

4. Steph feels fat. Weighed herself. Not good plan.

5. Toe is throbbing. Kicked scale in moment of not-thinking and complete denial. Missed. Hit wall. Pain.

6. Cannot draw. Is annoyed. Men do not have breasts. Cannot seem to be able to remedy this in piece of shoddy artwork. Crumples it, chucks out window. Forgets cousin's window is closed and has screen over it. Bounces back, smacks Steph on nose.

7. Has been isolated from rest of family gathering. Is sitting in closed off room with only computer as comfort waiting to hear someone yell that it is time to go. Stupid exams.

8. I want to drive. I can't drive. No one's letting me drive.

9. Steph is depressed, needs comfort food. Laura, you have brownies. Gimmee.

*looks up* Wow. No wonder I'm depressed. Anyone else ever notice that I hardly ever post... but when I do, they're so very abysmally long?

Ah well, I'll be back to normal in no time.
alysinomo on January 25th, 2004 05:51 pm (UTC)
You're fabulous!
Don't worry, it will all pass! You are fabulous, just keep telling yourself you're fabulous and it will all work out. Make a list about all the things you love about yourself, it actually works in a weird sort of way. And yes, Ally found out that the boy doesn't like her, and I'm not upset - just disappointed. He's a great guy and he's going to waste like a dairy product, because he likes this girl from middle school that he hasn't seen in a year! Weird huh? Anyways. You are fabulous. You are not fat. The boy doesn't know what he's missing. Just keep telling yourself that, no matter how corny it sounds.
sarak11 on January 25th, 2004 07:39 pm (UTC)
*hugs Steph*
You Rock, actually "rock" with a "0" and an "x" because your just that damn cool! I mean, sure I get that, hell, your life has gotta suck sometimes (until the asian converter machine is ready) but seriously, you do infact rock.

Reason's why Steph R0x that I can think of right now, the list is clearly longer then this:

1. Your pretty (Yes, you are actually really pretty.)
2. Unlike 95% of the asian girls I know our age, you don't look like a little girl (see number 1)
3. You're smart (And not only school smart, which you are, but people smart)
4. You have good taste in music
5. You're nice (With the exception of Laura, who basically is nice to everyone, you are like the nicest person I know)
6. You have entertaining friends (And no, I don't just mean me ;p, I mean all of the crazy/fun/different people you know and make better by knowing them)
7. You're fun, you like to do so many different things that almost nobody can't find something in common with you
8. You'd look hot with blue hair!
9. You have more of a "life" then anyone I speak to!
10. You can party! w00t!
11. You have breasts! Yes, thats right, I said it! (see number 2)
13. You read really fast! It's like crazy!
14. You have good taste in smut and doujin
15. You can be both shy and REALLY loud, it kinda kicks ass
16. You DO draw, and I quote me, "kick-ass good"
17. You own my soul ;p
Stephaniemirroredsakura on January 26th, 2004 12:32 am (UTC)
Re: *hugs Steph*
*glomps* thank you. one never notices these things until others point them out.
tazmainiandeviltazmainiandevil on January 25th, 2004 08:55 pm (UTC)
Okay i just wrote a really long encoraging message and then the stpid thing deleted it! so i'm not going to write it all again i'm just going to tell you that you are fabulous and give you a hug