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18 October 2005 @ 11:55 pm
I'm sad. I've finished my second online reading report, but I'm about 100 words short. In a 500 word report, it's a bit important to cut out 100 words I think... But I don't know. It's done, it's submitted now, perhaps I can stop caring.

I'm sick of all these half-truths around me, just for me to puzzle through. I really am... just tell me straight out, can't you? I'm sick of my dad calling me and pretending everything's all right and then bitching about me to my sister and insulting me like I'm the lowest creature on Earth. I'm sick of hearing about all the shiny things my sister is getting from my parents and then her falling into an awkward pause because she knows I'm not getting a thing. Heh. Not as if I haven't gotten used to it after years of caring about it.

I'm sick of liking a guy and being unsure of myself. I'm sick of not-knowing where I stand with my friends. I'm sick of not being able to see the people I know who're scattered all across the province, country, continent, world.

I'm sick of school and assignment after assignment and lab and midterm over and over again. I'm sick of being scared about jobs.

...I'm sick of angsting about my problems which aren't really that bad when I try to think about it rationally. And then there comes that whole self-disgust at crying about stupid stuff even though I'm pretty sure family and friends are rather important.

Gah, whatever. Tonight's just a night where I'm just sick of being me I think. It'll pass.
Current Music: hide - Beauty and Stupid
NemKess: victory march (Ryu)nemkess on October 19th, 2005 04:35 am (UTC)

Where you stand with me.... Wuffles you bunches and bunches and bunches.

Think you're swell, wish I could offer a real hug instead of a virtual one.

sheika_takaraisheika_takarai on October 19th, 2005 04:36 am (UTC)
*hugs you lots*

i really cant relate to..the whole thing with your parents, hv u ever talked to them bout it? that u feel..less important, becaus they are afterall your parents and they will listen if u just put out the signal ne?

and ya im sick of not able to see some really close frds of mine too, be it real life or online *hugs* but there is always this hope that someday you will, and im sure if u work hard, u can. i have faith, and im willing to share that with you ne.

well school...*burns our schools* my friend in waterloo right now and shes dying too. heh u guys wanna meet? shes kinda..hard to get along with at first but shes really a nice person. shes my best frd ne~~if u wanna ill ask her too ne.~

a problem is a problem, no matter how big or small it is, i know you might think its nth compared to other ppls problems but its hurting you and thats all that matters. be strong ne, u know u can hold out. because you know there are lots out there that loves you, and that you love too, just that along will help you ne.

good luck with everything, i hope u feel better soon ne *hug*
Stephaniemirroredsakura on October 19th, 2005 03:19 pm (UTC)
Oh sure. They just laugh it off and agree. Hehe, they know quite well about their preferential treatment, especially when other people tell them too. I just don't think they care overmuch. ^_^; That's okay. You just get used to it. ;p

And people. Bah people going to University and flying off into opposite ends of the Earth. -__-; Makes me miss them. *bites Angel for leaving me*

Oh and all that jazz. *laughs* It's only a momentary "pain". It goes away quite soon. I'm one of those silly people who just like to forget a lot of the bad stuff. :S It's how I keep being optimistic.
ex_zenfu on October 19th, 2005 04:45 am (UTC)
Amen. I know how you feel. No fun, ne? *hugs lots*
Stephaniemirroredsakura on October 19th, 2005 03:11 pm (UTC)
I think everyone has similar days. I guess it's how we deal with them that matters. I'm trying to figure out if mine is reasonable. I sometimes indulge in an LJ post describing my woes and then I go to bed. o.O; Sweet, sweet oblivion ahoy?
Ellelalalalaizuki on October 19th, 2005 10:44 am (UTC)
I feel the EXACT same way... oddly o.o;; And I don't know why >.<;;
Stephaniemirroredsakura on October 19th, 2005 03:04 pm (UTC)
*nuzzles* I think we both need some hardcore J-Rock/Pop time and we'll splice in some anime on the sly. =_=;
(Deleted comment)
Stephaniemirroredsakura on October 20th, 2005 10:14 pm (UTC)
*nuzzles* Nah, they're actually pretty okay. I get worked up about a lot of stupid stuff though. All of my family does. Shrug.

Anyway... I'm fine. Kinda. Sorta. Things are... surprisingly getting better in different ways. Sounds good to me, ne?
Katpersekore on October 21st, 2005 06:06 am (UTC)
Aaw. *hugs* I still love you.
Stephaniemirroredsakura on October 21st, 2005 06:42 pm (UTC)
I would be very upset with you if you suddenly stopped! ;_;!

^.^ *nuzzles*
aylengyraylengyr on October 23rd, 2005 06:51 am (UTC)
I totally hated my dad, and the only presents ive ever had in eons is from you guys on the internet. My family (not that theyre alive anymore) wouldnt have helped me if I was 90% dead and all they had to do was give me water. They hated me. So I got some of whats up with you and your dad. I know however that your problems are unique and its stupid to say "I got you" or whatever. Still I want you to know that hey I wont lie to you ever. I just dont do that stuff to people. I think its a horror to make people cry. People are all that matters. not money or anything like that. its just people in the end. *sigh* well I know this was rambling and useless, but I wish I could make you feel better. *huggles*
Stephaniemirroredsakura on October 24th, 2005 03:19 am (UTC)

That reminds me... did you ever get the gift I sent you? *eyes you quizzically* I sent it ages ago and I don't know, I've never seen you mention it at all... :S

aylengyraylengyr on October 24th, 2005 06:20 pm (UTC)
huh? nope sorry, the mail must have losted it *is sad* when did you send it? mail from canada is slow sometimes. Im kind of lame i know, but I would have said something! Me is good boy. I hope it isnt lost forever though, cause I hate losing things in the mail. i wonder if the address was right? I'll resend it to you via email, you can see. Oh well, no worries, its the thought that counted.